I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
