I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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