O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Pants are for mortals
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
