He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
