My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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