I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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