The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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