I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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