I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
