This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
