dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
