If i come over, it means nothing
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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