I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The feeling are messing with the penis
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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