well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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