this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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