I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize