I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
