does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
