you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
