I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
