I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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