They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
