I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize