i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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