All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
