So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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