You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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