I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
