you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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