I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
