you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
