So drunk its hurt
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
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I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When are your genitals available?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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