you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
