My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
