I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
