we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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