I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
