I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
