I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
