I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
