Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and she was petting her beer can
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
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She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
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Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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