Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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