im about as happy as oj after his trial
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
