i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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