I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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