theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
