you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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