Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
