I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
