I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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