Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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