i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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