We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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