my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
