the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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