whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
