Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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