I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
