I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
