My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
someone owes me an orgasm
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize