She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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