I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
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The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!