At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.