and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door