Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.