I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
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I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
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I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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