Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off

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(310): View more from California

Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta

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(407): View more from Florida

It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny

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(317): View more from Indiana

sex in a tree stand. check.

(765): View more from Indiana

you lucky bastard

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(714): View more from California

Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick

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(310): View more from California

I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car

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(734): View more from Michigan

All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.

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