I'm going to jail i love you
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
