i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
