guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
