I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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