So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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