i just made my gag reflex go away.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
cat food counts as protein by the way
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
